About Me [Creative Accounting]

Before arriving at that which I now am, I spent a curiously poisonous childhood, raised by a wicked aunt on a bleak, melancholy country estate in wildest Derbyshire. During those lonely, misguided years, I roamed the splintered landscape with a black heart, glowering suspiciously at all who dared gaze upon me, as the malicious clouds conspired with the hateful sky to drench me in cruel hair-flattening showers.


[my best friend's a butcher he has sixteen knives]


By day I would haunt a broken chapel, defacing the epitaphs of my monstrous forbears with a sacrificial dagger plucked from a tomb in the family vault; by night, I would wolfishly devour the jaundiced yellow tomes which infested our crumbling library, hiding from the increasingly disturbed overtures of my cruel relative.


[i softly leave you crying i cannot hold what you devour]


It wasn't until the tender age of 27 that I succeeded in abscondment, fleeing to join a sinister travelling fair of cut-throats, magicians and merpeople, led by that notorious showman, Dr. Lascivius Gout. Under his malign tutelage, I learned how to juggle live pigs, impale myself on goat-hammers, and tease rabid ferrets with juniper eggs. I was paid in morphine & absinthe. For five years I led a life of unspeakable subversion. We led the authorities a salacious dance, criss-crossing parish & county boundaries as though they were mere cartographical delineations, plying our depraved trade as far afield as Bolsover, Mansfield and Codnor. We knew Rutland in the glory days; few can make that claim.

[people they don't mean a thing to you they move right through you just like your breath]

When Lord Slagge of Belper outlawed fayres & circuses as part of his Cultural Reform Act 1893, our malcontented troupe disbanded, and we each of us scattered to the seventy-three corners of the Midlands. I myself slunk back to the blighted home of my ancestors, where I slew my wicked aunt with a mace which I had gilded with a tincture of arsenic, to become that which you now see before you: a fool, gibbering alone, in the eternal bleak darkness of the internet. 

Well, almost alone.....

[you strangle me entangle me in hopelessness and prayers for rain]

References: INTERPOL ['Roland'], THE CURE ['The Holy Hour'], THE BRAVERY ['Honest Mistake'], THE CURE ['Prayers For Rain']

New scarf courtesy of Kerry Hadley, 2017.